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Oct 18, 2009

So, tf?

Okay, I'll concede I did wrong by not first asking you for permission to haul other people into it.

But knowing your propensity for making plans that begin with a perfectly good premise and end with "Nah, can't be bothered" or a similar, conclusive phrase, I felt as if it would be okay for me to ask others to be involved.  More people = less work.  Not once did you directly mention to me, "Linh, I don't want this to be a project where you bring in other people."  Not once did you raise the issue with me, choosing instead to simply ignore the other people involved.

Then you go tell me I have no right to do this.  Fine.  Not once did you actually outright tell me any of this, choosing to instead complain about it now when it's a tad late to call everyone and cancel.  But that's okay, I'll just tell Shane and that that we're all out.  And so now out of spite or whatever, you're out too.  Christ almighty.

I had no right to try to get a project you wanted done, done?  I had no right to try to make the last week for my friends and yours great?  I had no right to maybe put you in a position where you can become friends with my friends, instead of you just telling me they're "not your type of people"?  Christ almighty, Ben, I've seen you with my group maybe 5 times in the entire time we've known them, and that's a generous estimate.  How the heck do you know they're not your type of people?

And then you come out of the blue, guns blazing, telling me I'd won and you hope you'll never see me again.  Won what, precisely?  A competition I had no idea was happening?  An argument where I'd already conceded wrong and backed out?

Mad, you are.  And I'm beginning to think I'm a little mad myself for attempting to make things actually easy for you to integrate you into my circle, for telling Kimmy and Tash to cut you slack.  Not that you ever cut them any.  Not that you made any discernible effort to actually be friends with my friends.

Here, for you.

Insane, Damien Rice

Should I speak?
Should I bother shaking hands?
Am I weak If I leave it as it stands?
I've submerged
And I've surfaced with the blame
I guess I'm no good, I guess I'm insane

Should I go, if she calls out my name?
And if she bleeds, should I wipe up the stain?
And if I'm low, can I drown in this rain?
I guess I'm no good, I guess I'm insane

And I hate when you say
That I never fight for you
Sometimes you breathe
All over my scar
And you always end up
Closer than close
That's where I give in

Should I confess
The actions of a hand
In my mind
I'll betray you once again
Why should I climb?
What is there to gain?
This is no good
This is insane

And I hate when you say
That I never fight for you
Sometimes you breathe
All over my scar
And you always end up
Closer than close
That's whenre I give in

You're taking, you're taking
You're taking me down
You're taking, you're taking
You're taking me down
And you always end up
Closer than close
That's where I give in

I've been playing this the way you wanted pretty much entirely.  You wanted to be there, I let you be there.  You wanted me wherever, I let you be wherever.  You wanted to come over, I coerced my parents to allow it to happen.  I put more on the line for you than you realise, risking my friendships, severing friendships, pushing the envelope with my family, to allow you to be in as close a proximity to me as was possible for you to be comfortable.  And apparently, that's still not enough.

You want me gone?  Fine.  I'm gone.

Posted via web from youretrulypre.posterous