I hate feeling bloody useless like this. I hate having things happen with people, things that I can't fix, that I can't help in any way, but that so very clearly suck. Everything seems to be hitting everyone else, just as things finally come together with me. Is that the trade-off, my happiness for theirs? If that's the case, then I would so much rather be back in my misery, back where I was, than see everyone else in pain.
Time, fucking time, that seems to be all that's needed to see if things will get better. Funnily enough, there are other things that'll only die ever so much faster with time and the passage thereof.
Christ, I don't even know any more. I think too much, everything runs together, parallels get drawn where there may be none. Are there any parallels, any correlation in my new-found lease on life and everyone else's breakdown thereof? No, there can't be. It's got to be coincidence that my knowledge of these events come in the weeks after my own redemption. Many of these events started long before I was ever here.
Then why, why does it feel like I am at least partially to blame for pulling the universal strings to make these things go to pieces now?
I suppose in the end, it doesn't really matter. I can't influence these things any more than I can make the sky turn green or flip the earth's magnetic poles. All I have to do is wait things out. I'm so bad at waiting, it kind of sucks that I have little choice but to wait.